The Quiltmaker's Gift

 

 

 

This post is about Human Kindness.  I think about Human Kindness a lot.  I think about how to teach it to kids.  I think about how to teach teachers to teach it to kids.  I think about how to bring it out in my own kids.  I do not believe it is as hard as it seems.  I believe you need to be a model of kindness and then talk about it.  I did this in my classroom as a teacher and I do it with my own children.  I have been doing it long before the kids were born and long before Lil got sick.  Where did I learn how to be kind?  My mother, my grandmother, and my family all taught me kindness through example.  I grew up in Southwest Philadelphia (basically).  Both of my grandmothers lived there (one still does!) and I spent a lot of time with them.  Mostly I spent time with my Mommom Toni (Antoinette) because she babysat me.  Wherever we went she spoke to people.  The old, lonely Italian man on the corner?  Well, she knew his whole life.  I didn't because they only spoke Italian but his eyes lit up every time he saw her.  In the stores, if someone dropped something we picked it up for them.  Just walking across the street we would stop and talk to people waiting in cars stopped at red lights.  When we had extra tomatoes from her postage stamp size garden, we gave them away.  When someone was sick we made them chicken noodle soup.  We talked about kindness.  I remember asking why and she told me.  I never questioned it because I also lived it. 

Our family is so often the recipients of Human Kindness (and yes I am capitalizing it on purpose).  This Human Kindness comes in the small mundane things that just keep us going every day and sometimes it comes in the form of a $5,000.00 check (well that happened once but it was big).  It is overwhelming for me to say thank you.  That probably sounds really stupid to most of you.  When faced with an act of kindness, sometimes I need to just turn away.  I go inside myself.  Each act of kindness, no matter how small it may seem touches me to my core and I do not know how to say thank you. 

Knowing that we are trying to get Taylor Swift to the AI DuPont Radiothon, my stepsister had a friend who gave us tickets to her recent Philly show.  Taking a three year old to concert of 50,000 people is quite an experience.  One question we always get is 'what is Lil's prognosis?', the answer is we do not know.  Will this be the only concert she ever attends?  Probably not but who knows?  These are the kinds of things that roll around in my mind so I soaked up every second of that experience with my baby girl. 

The experience started with Lil's swim coach gathering a bunch of pool moms that I did not really know.  It was wonderful getting to know new people and also, again, being the recipients of kindness.  What they do not know is that Lil had a horrible day that day.  We almost did not go to the concert because Lil had been spiking fevers.  The "pool group" allowed us to infringe on their table, make a poster there, happily offered us drinks and welcomed us with open arms.  This is the Human Kindness.  Without question, they enthusiastically embraced our infringement without question and we made new friends. 

In the concert Lilly worked her magic.  A gorgeous young woman behind us fell in love with Lil and Lil fell in love with her.  I kept telling this lovely young lady that she did not have to keep interacting with Lil (I mean she did pay for those tickets) but she just kept saying over and over... "But I love her."  Yup, that is Lil's superpower. 

Lil was completely enthralled by the whole experience.  When she saw Aunt Tina next she kept telling her: I went to a concert.  I think that was just about all she could process.  To see the wonder in Lil's eyes and to think I do not know what her future holds but that she has this... how do I say thank you for something like that?  Do you see what I mean? 

I had to stop teaching about three years ago.  I loved my job.  I taught high poverty students in a high needs school for thirteen years.  I loved my school, I love my colleagues, I loved my kids.  Lil got sick in June.  I decided to leave my job in early August.  I never stepped foot back in that building until about 3 weeks ago to train the staff, over half of whom I am still friends.  They treated me with the utmost respect.  I left with a trunkful of food for my family; like I never left.  How do you say thank you for that?  For a group of people who still treat you like family three years later? 

This week a stunning woman read our blog and decided she wanted to do something to help.  I do not know her, in fact we have never met her.  She is a bartender at an intimate, neat and cozy little bar in Pennsylvania.  An intimate, neat and cozy bar filled with some of the most caring, generous people I have ever met.  Not only did they give us money when it did not seem like they had a lot to give but they each wanted to hear Lil's story and they wanted to know how she is doing.  Just phenomenal.  How do you thank someone for caring about your sick child?  A child they never saw until that night.  Truly caring, not just asking about her story, making eye contact the whole time and holding my hand at the hard parts...

 

 

There is also my work, this may seem like an odd connection but this past two weeks I worked my tail off.  It took me away from my family and that is really hard for any mom.  For me it is even harder because I watched pustules pop up all over Lil last night, one is totally open and I do not know why.  I have no point of reference.  I should have taken her for blood work last week with her symptoms but I was working.  I have to work.  I have to make money.  Fundraisers are so helpful but Chris and I need our income.  The fundraisers help when she is so bad I cannot work.  Or when she is bad and I am working, the extra money makes life a little easier.  Fundraiser money helps buy Lil's special band-aids, advil, and a plethora of other things insurance does not pay for.  Everyone keeps telling me to do stuff for me.  How?  When? 

Anyway, two of the teachers I trained in the past two weeks were reflecting on our work together at the end of the week.  Their reflection was that they were going to leave education but our week of work made them change their minds.  Just think about that, I had a hand in keeping these amazing educators in their fields.  They do not know it but their act of kindness, sharing this with me, makes it worth it for me to do my work.  My work is powerful.  There is no other work I would allow to take me away from my family at this point.  Along those lines, this past week, I met some amazing women who reminded me how important that strand of female empowerment is.  They lifted me up last week and I still feel their strength.  They took care of me. Their Human Kindness was truly evident. 

For every donation we receive from the $5,000 donation to the $25.00 donation I am moved.  A very good friend of mine bought me a massage knowing full well I would never buy myself one!  A vile of essential oils researched to help arthritis.  I am overwhelmed.  Chris and I look at these donations and we are very careful with that money.  The other thing we do is give back.  We cannot give back with money.  Also, I cannot tell you all the little ways I give back because I would giving away all my secrets:)  But it is on my mind every day, every minute.  When I am trying to control all three kids and I have no free hands, I still lean over and pick up something someone dropped, I still give away the extra tomatoes I grew, I make extra meals as often as I can (and when they are cheap), I feed people when I can.  My Mommom walks beside me in my Human Kindness.  It is not hard for me, it is not something I have to try to do.  She leans over with me, she holds my hand.   I feel her warmth.  I thank God for her teaching and example and I thank God for her memory.