A Week In The Woods

Or I should say a week out of the woods only to go right back in...  Last Thursday (before we left for the ski trip) was the first night LillyAnna did not vomit in months.  The next day her eating and drinking picked up dramatically and I was able to go away for a few days without worry.  Unfortunately, this Thursday she began her bedtime vomit ritual once again.  Not surprisingly, over the last two days her intake has decreased.  For example, in the last 12 hours she has only had 6 ounces of milk, two slices of American Cheese and half a strawberry.  She has a large pustule in the large lesion that is very sore.  I know this becuase when I do Dr. R's finger dance across it, she cries out.  A couple other lesions have small papules.  This is especially frustrating because last week's blood work looked good.  The sed rate was down from 9 to 7 and CRPs stayed below 0.5.  Her white blood cell count was up from 9.7 to 11.5 but his marker is generally the least informative for us because (from my crude understanding), your white blood cell count can rise for something as innocuous as fighting off a cold or cutting a tooth.  For us, it is also the usually the first marker to rise when there is trouble on the horizon.

In this picture you can see the two very small papules above the big lesion and the large, swollen, red bump on the side closest to the purple pants. She would not sit still for this pic so it is hard to see!

The good news is that she has been VERY pleasant.  This is my saving grace.  I can deal with some dry diapers, I can give her medicine for the pain, coffee gets me through the days after sleepless nights, and I can even clean up vomit every night without getting too worked up.  But when she is miserable, it turns my world upside down.  It is always frustrated to deal with a fussy baby no matter how loved but the helplessness and frustration that accompanies a fussy sick baby can put anyone over the edge.  You know this if you have ever dealt with a baby that has a cold, the stomach bug or (God forbid) colic.  It is torable for the ten to fourteen days of a cold, the few months colic can last will put you on the edge of the cliff but the amount of time we have been dealing with this in conjunction with amount of unknowns involved is getting us closer and closer to going over. 

Being close to family and friends is what keeps us on solid ground.  Sometimes it is in the seemingly mundane time spent with people that can be most precious.  One Sunday we loaded into the family truckster and trekked acoss the bridge to my Aunt Tina's house.  The girls spent some time in her bedroom trying on dresses for an upcoming event my aunt is attending talking about whether it is necessary to wear hose for a formal event, if chunky shoes are ok to wear with a strapless dress and a few other topics that are best kept between females.  At some point a long-time friend of the family stopped by and joined us.  Later, we stood in the kitchen snacking on leftover pizza and sharing ideas and thoughts on my cousin's upcoming wedding and bridal shower.  Nothing of note happened or was discussed but I could not help but reflect on the connection women have that is almost tangible.  I am sure there are men who could speak to a similar feeling they may get on, say, a golf course or at a sporting event.  For me though, there is a kinship between women that ebbs through space and time; the way women can connect with strangers, understand each other's hurts and trimphs without a word.  I felt the power of it that day. 

Last night we continued our journey of growing through getting to know my adopted husband's birth family.  Having a get together at my house was the only way to do it although it caused me no small amount of anxiety.  I am pretty comfortable with hostessing at this point in my life but I really wanted this get together to be special.  At one point, I took a minute to stop and take in what was happening around me.  I looked up and saw small groups of family who had not met until that night sitting together, laughing, playing with the kids and having a genuinely good time. 

Lastly, we said good-bye to a great friend of my grandmother's this week.  As I have mentioned before, my grandmother and I were not just family, she was also my best friend.  Having spent so much time with her when I was a child, her friends became my friends or at least the group of people I spent a lot of time with and thoroughly enjoyed.  This could explain my addiction to The Golden Girls (possibly obsession) but I think it also explains my appreciation for people of all ages and backgrounds.  Zizi Joanne was one of these people and I loved her to pieces.  She was eccentric and fun and brazen.  I brought LillyAnna to her funeral and was able to share my beautiful baby with people I have not seen since I was a child myself.  They remembered my grandmother as she was to them and it broke my heart in much the same way as when we lost her. 

It has been an overwhelming but wonderful couple of weeks.  It seems too obvious to say that going through all of this with LillyAnna has opened my eyes and that I have a new appreciation for how to enjoy this life in its awkward stages as well as the beautiful.