I Love You Stinky Face

The past couple of days has been pretty awful.  Not to sound like too much of a Wendy Whiner but it just does not seem fair.  For almost a week, LillyAnna has been vomiting at least five times a day.  Now that we have begun 'cleaning her out' she is also pooping.  I am glad we are getting it all out but stinky does not even begin to describe it!

And of course, through all of this I offered to make my sister her birthday dinner.  I know you might think that is absolutely insane but let me explain.  My sister, who turned 31 years old today actually, has been in a nursing home for years.  She is my only sibling and my mother passed away three weeks before the twins were born.  My sister just recently left the nursing home in the hopes if creating a better life for herself.  Because peoples' problems still exist even when you have a chronically ill child, I want to support her as much as I can.  And so, because the only thing more difficult than taking three kids out to dinner (one of which is puking, pooping and has to take six vials of medication on Friday nights) is cooking dinner, I offered to do it.  I offered before the poop fest began and it probably wasn't a good idea.  I told myself that all morning while I was running around trying to find pediatric enemas and waterproof pads to protect my carpets, holding a screaming fussy baby and cleaning up any number of messes all the while trying to hold back my own tears, anger and frustration.  As any good hostess knows, you never leave everything until that day so almost everything was already made which helped.  In the end, it turned out beautifully.  The food was delicious, my cake was awesome and the company was more than pleasant.  Lil perked up and the twins were so exhausted by the end they happily went to sleep. Everyone who came was a huge help too.  My aunt came early to occupy and dress kids, my cousin and sisters ran them around and loved them to death, I had a dishwasher and cleaner uppers... It all worked out so well.

I just felt so helpless, frustrated and alone watching her go through this mess.  She would choke, gag and finally vomit, squirm around and sit up (it reminded me of mornings during my college years) when I knew all she needed to do was throw up, watching her try to push and push to get it out or try to drink only to vomit in her mouth each time.  And on top of it all she was miserable.  As I have said before, that is what gets to me the most.  This baby has been through so much and again I have to mention that I know there are babies and kids who have been through worse but this is my baby and her reality and it has not been pretty. 
She is still not cleaned out as well as Dr. R would like so we are going to continue with the Miralax.  I did have to give her an enema yesterday (boy that was fun).   However, last night she did not throw up and seemed to be feeling much better and this morning she ate some breakfast potatoes and was blowing kisses (see video below).  I am not sure if it was the Zofran (which is an anti-nausea medicine that she gets on the nights she gets her Methotrexate) or the cleaning out but she did not throw up!  She went right to sleep and I was able to lay her in her crib peacefully for the first time in weeks.  I wish I could describe the relief that washed over me.  My strong desire to shove Ben and Jerry's into my mouth each night after being so careful about what I ate all day was one clue that I was slightly stressed after getting her to bed.  When I was able to lay her down with her body relaxed and quiet, walk out of her room and feel confident that she was going to stay quiet I felt like I could finally take a deep breath. As it turns out, those breakfast potatoes are the only things she ate today. Oh, and one tiny bite of meatballs. But she drank and was happy and is now sleeping.